Oh, the places we will go.

How fast can you push a tub?

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 01:39:43 -0500

Now for anyone who knows what “pushing a tub” means, I have a question for you.

My team leader today told me, and several other times while I was working logistics, that I need to strive to get a tub out every 15 minutes.

Now, anyone with experience with this may know that sounds near physically impossible. It takes me about 15 minutes just to cut open the boxes and sort them.

Question: 15 minutes, too high of an expectation?

Well it's all good, I as well work at a Target and still going strong for over a year and a half. What do you do at yours?

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 03:04:49 -0500

To put it simply: everything, besides softlines, flow team and ad sets.

Hardlines, cashier, back room, electronics, logistics…you get the picture.

Hi, you still working at Target?

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 02:44:12 -0500

I certainly am. Over a year now.
Apologies to my followers, I didn’t have internet in my home all summer.

Hiatus.

Sun, 27 May 2012 18:17:26 -0400

Apologies for not posting much lately, I’m currently on vacation!

I’ll return to work in a couple weeks with more stories, I’m sure.

How's My Hat?

Thu, 17 May 2012 13:43:47 -0400

I work in Softlines and when I was in the fitting room one day, I had a guest come up to me, switching between headwear, asking, “what do you think of this hat?” It was a PLAIN BLACK CAP so I responded, “um, it’s a hat…” to which he scoffed at and walked away, only to return not too long after to wait for his wife and to remind me that he finally settled on the “just a hat.” I swear, I hate guests.

Cropped tank top.

Sun, 13 May 2012 14:25:08 -0400

Yesterday, a man with tanned skin that looked like leather,

a bald patch and very wild hair,

came in wearing short shorts and a cropped tank top, exposing his very hairy beer belly.

Needless to say, every employee had to talk to him.

Patrol car.

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 21:46:07 -0400

As I was walking out of the store after collecting my paycheck, the TPS (security) was driving a motorized cart back inside.

She joked about how people comment on her driving it around.

“They usually ask me if this is my patrol car.”

Not even 5 minutes after she said that and I was walking along side her, two older ladies came up laughing.

“Hey! Is that your patrol car?!”

“See…” she said.

a couple more minutes go by, and a younger woman comes up.

“Haha… I guess that’s your patrol car.”

Cabin in the woods.

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 01:48:45 -0400

Coworker: We should hang out after work.
Me: Agreed. Cabin in the woods at 11?
Coworker: Which one? *5 minutes later* Oh! You meant the movie.
Me: No, I was just inviting you to a cabin in the woods. No big deal.
Coworker: Hey, I don't know what you're into...
Me: But you asked WHICH ONE?!

Omg Becky...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 01:45:10 -0400

Coworker: I found a bag from another store that had a pair of underwear in it. They apparently just bought it and set it down and forgot it.
Me: Imagine that conversation when she gets home... *in a valley-girl accent* Oh my god, Becky. I totally think I left my underwear at Target.
Coworker: Oh god, Melissa. No. Oh my god Melissa tell me you didn't.
Me: Becky, oh my god, I totally did.

Hi, can I help you get out of my life?

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 23:21:51 -0400

Today while working in A-block (which I’m not sure if all Target’s have the same layout, but I’m assuming all Target’s have an A-block which is pure hell. HBA and baby food and all of the snack shelves)

I had just finished zoning an aisle of snacks, which had a ton of small shelves which are always very difficult to get to and pull things forward.

A mom and her two little kids came through the aisle and one of the little boys picked something up and asked her if he could have it.

She said no.

The child then proceeded to throw the item all the way across the aisle, and THEN picked up several other items, strewing them all over the place.

Her response?

“Oh honey! We shouldn’t do that, haha!” took him gently by the hand, and walked away leaving me to clean up the mess.

This was one of those times I had to bite my tongue and not say

“Hi, could you kindly fuck off and take your retarded child with you and please don’t ever breed again?”

At the Target I work at, we've had people poop in the fitting rooms a few times. We've had people have sex in the family fitting room. We had this lady throw up in a cart and leave it and then most recently we had a lady using a smart cart and peed while using it and brought it to us and said we needed to clean it. So gross.

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 23:02:33 -0400

Oh goodness. That’s terrible. I work at a very small Target, possibly one of the smallest there is (not sure), so we don’t get anything TOO terrible. We did have a lady faint in the shoe department today though. Probably because of our shockingly low deals.

i’ve worked at target for three years. fitting room specialist. softlines badass. you...

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 12:16:00 -0400

i’ve worked at target for three years. fitting room specialist. softlines badass. you know.

any ways. one day i go and check thru the fitting rooms before i leave. i smell something kinda funky. upon further investigation, i found a bad of shit!

literally. a. bag. of. human. feces.

i died. called every team lead and TPS i could think of. didn’t even know what to do with myself.

thought i’d share a horror story and know i feel your pain.

Invisible razors.

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 22:31:09 -0400

Guest: Hi! Do you carry women's razors?
Me: Yes ma'am! It's directly in front of you... you're standing right by them.

Guest: You feel a little warm... is it because you have a cold or is it because I'm cold?

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 22:29:43 -0400

Guest: You feel a little warm... is it because you have a cold or is it because I'm cold?
Guest 2 (little kid): It's probably because I'm picking my nose.

Cheap Woody.

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 23:48:09 -0400

Guest 1: Do they have Buzz?
Guest 2: Yeah... oh, look, Woody. He's pretty cheap. Hey, honey. Do you want a cheap Woody?
Guest 1: Don't talk about your cheap Woody's in public, dear.

Electronics spies.

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 22:29:14 -0400

One of my good friends works as a TPS, which, for you non-Target workers, is basically a security guard.

There was a guy lingering in electronics looking at iPads for over 45 minutes, so my friend approached me saying,

“Let’s keep an eye on this guy. How about you go that way, and I’ll go this way.”

So, in electronics, we were on both sides of the electronics boat with this man as our center focus.

Suddenly I look over and TPS is doing a bunch of hand gestures at me, which confused me and I mouthed “WHAT?!”

Later, after the guy left, I asked what she was trying to tell me.

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to look cool since we were being secret spies.”

Co worker: I have a question...

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 22:25:49 -0400

Co worker: I have a question...
Me: Okay.
C: *looking at sales paper* where do I find these?
Me: Seasonal
C: Okay, what about this?
Me: A31
C: And this?
Me: You're not really looking for these things, are you...
C: I totally am.
Me: You're a liar.
C: Yeah... but I'm a good liar.
Me: NOT REALLY IF I JUST CALLED YOU ON IT, BRO!

Co worker: I love food so much. But to cut back on calories I've been eating those baby puff foods.

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 22:19:24 -0400

Co worker: I love food so much. But to cut back on calories I've been eating those baby puff foods.
Me: Wait, what? The little packages of baby food that are like cheeto puffs but... other flavors?
Co worker: Yeah. I'm 36 and I eat baby food. It's not bad, actually... and really low in calories!

New girl: So, how do you guys like working here?

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 23:18:19 -0400

New girl: So, how do you guys like working here?
Co worker -looks at me-: Well... there's a lot of teenagers that come in here. And also a lot of other weird workers here... we like to fuck with them as much as possible.
Me: Yup. Pretty much.

Callin' da popo.

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 23:33:25 -0400

3 boys got jumped in the Target parking lot tonight by 4 other boys we had kicked out earlier for causing disruptions.

We had to call the police and temporarily detain most of the boys and call their parents, contacts etc.

The 3 boys said they get targeted by these same kids every week. I don’t know the full story… but it was the exciting point of the night.